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  • Writer's pictureSarah

Understanding My Sexuality

All of my life I have identified as a straight female. I have only dated men and all of my serious crushes were on boys. I always just assumed if I was gay I would have known that. At 27 years old, I have finally realized I am Bisexual.

You may be thinking, "if it took you 27 years to figure it out you're probably not bi." And honestly, a year ago I probably would have agreed with you. Here's why I don’t now:

All my life I have had "girl crushes." If you identify as female you know this term well. Any time we think another girl is hot or we envy her it is thrown into the category of "girl crush." How many times have we said something along the lines of, "I would go gay for her." We think that its just a one off here or there. A girl we would hook up with. But that doesn't make us gay, right? Well, maybe not. But it also doesn't mean you're not.

What do I mean? I mean that sure, you can be "straight" and have that one woman who you think is so beautiful and perfect that you would date her (Rihanna is a common one). Sexuality is a spectrum. This happens. However, I personally found myself having LOTS of "girl crushes." Like... not just celebrities but also women I saw out or was friends with. I assumed I didn't like women because I had never been with one. Society makes it so normal for women to have "crushes" on each other that when we actually do we think thats just a thing that happens to girls. It's normal to experiment and for women to just hook up for fun but still be "straight."

Personally I never hooked up with a girl because I was super intimidated. I find men to be easier to impress and while you would think from being a woman I would know how to talk to one, its new territory and I don’t know the rules. I downloaded bumble several times over the last few years looking for women. I struck out every time or found it hard to find one that I was interested in. I always thought it was just something I wanted to try and not an indication of my sexuality. It wasn't until I found myself thinking of Zoe Kravitz during my "alone time" that I realized I liked women more than I was admitting.

Now make no mistake, I wasn't denying my sexuality because I was embarrassed or anything. I just didn't realize it because of how normalized it is in society for women to like each other and still be considered straight. Most times we aren't even sure whether we want to date someone or be them. Is it just envy? Or is it attraction? I also figured I would know without a doubt and if I didn't then who was I to say I was part of the LGBTQ+ community? But as I thought back on it, it made a lot more sense. I could think of instances in high school where I was genuinely nervous around other girls because I was crushing on them so hard. Girls I met later in life that made my tummy feel weird. Yea. Real life attraction and emotions. How could I have ignored them for so long?

I had to have a serious talk with myself and realize that it was ok for me to say I was bi. Because I am. I always have been. I am not taking anything from anyone else by being bisexual but only having been with men in the past. Your sexuality is not based on who you've slept with. Some people will tell you you don't know until you try or that if you've only dated men you're just curious. Honestly? That's bullshit. It took me a really long time to be able to validate my own feelings and I'm sharing this because I have heard that this is pretty common. I hope that my experience can help someone else work through it. Our DMs are always open to talk. Feel free to share your experience with us there or in the comments.

I also want to note that I am new to this and am currently using the term Bisexual but I would not be opposed to dating someone trans or nonbinary. So maybe that's not exactly bi, but im still figuring that out.

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